Hi,for the ones that do not "know me", I am tc999,
I left a XABF 3.5 years ago.
My pain while mourning was incredible and the worst I have had so far.I cried for more than a year and looked like a zombie and even entertained suicidal thoughts at some point.
3 quick tidbits of advice:
1 Remember:THIS TOO SHALL PASS and there is much life to look forward to!!
2 The book "The Grief club" by Melody Beatty was priceless, it was the voice of comfort I needed
3 Keep posting in SR and stick to NC, I stopped talking to his friends, and going to areas where we had gone together, avoided everything triggering
And nowadays I have never been happier, OK many days and many weeks SUCK, but I can recover more easily, I got no negativity around me to suck me in back into depression and self destruction.
I just went to the grocery store and the smell of alcohol of someone behind me struck me, he was an elder with very sad eyes. I felt bad for him and remembered that is how they end. That could be my XABF in some decades.
But its not in my hands to "solve".
Same goes for a guy I was dating, he was very toxic in his thought, and I am glad I remember more often that the "realm of peace" I always look for is within myself, with nature and with true human connections, this for me has been the way to heal.... remembering I got my own plan and that I need health, energy to do whatever I was meant to do in my life, to give something back and leave this place a better one even if its a 0.00001%... that it matters & that MY LIFE MATTERS.
I feel very strong and smart today and wanted to share
Thanks all for all the wisdom I have found in this forum!
Tc999
:ghug3