Welcome to the SR family!
I hope you will continue to post and read as often as needed. We are here to support you.
I understand the anger.
I found that I thought I was angry with him, but I was more angry with myself for accepting unacceptable behavior......over and over again.
I learned how to start expressing my anger in ways that did not harm others. (keeping it bottled up inside is not a healthy option).
Some things that worked for me:
Screaming and cursing
Screaming and cursing in my car with the stereo up.
Screaming and cursing in my car with the stereo up and punching the seat beside me (not my favorite as it hurt my hand)
Punching a pillow and yelling.
It's okay to scream and vent your frustration.
I have a funny story about one night I was soooooo very angry. I hopped in my car and headed to an Alanon meeting. I turned up the stereo in the car and scream, yelled cursed and just got it all out of my system.
When I arrived at my Alanon meeting, my voice was hoarse from the yelling.
The funny part: a fellow Alanoid (another member) was also hoarse from having done the same thing on her way to the meeting that night! We laughed till we cried!
I do suggest finding a local Alanon meeting for face to face support. It helped put me on the path to a healthier, happier me.
Let us know how we can help you find your way back to a healthier, happier YOU