I know moving out of the house sounds lame. Honestly, though, I feel peace in the summer cabin b/c I don't have to walk on eggshells around my daughter. I wasn't with her all last week, and she made a lot of progress -- following through on a number of tasks that she had been putting off (b/c she was expending so much energy arguing with me!).
I like and I think I understand what all of you are saying, but it makes me feel strange. When she was using and we didn't know it (she hasn't lived home in at least 4 years) we definitely enabled by giving her money and by putting up with crazy things like no visits allowed. We thought she was just "emotional" and stressed out. But finally she was the one who admitted to her addiction. She sought help. She found the program to go to. We had to beg her to come live home after the in-patient prgoram (I don't know where else she could have gone though without our financial support). So, now that she's on the road to recovery, it seems harsh to put her out just b/c she's angry and argumentative with me.
Now I want to "enable" her recovery. I want to give her every opportunity to make this work. This is all so new to me.
I'm afraid of what you say, amaslow, that the attitude is the first thing to relapse. That's what scary.
I guess the proof that she's working her own recovery is if she goes to the IOP this week. I'll go have lunch with my sister in law and niece somewhere else. I won't cancel my nice afternoon, but I don't have to torture myself by arguing with my daughter. I'm not sure what I'll tell them about where she is. Thank you all for your responses. I have a lot to learn. And I know I need to get stronger myself.
And she's against Sober Living right now. It may come to that eventually. We've talked about it.