Is this enabling?
My 24-yr old daughter has been clean from coke and crack for 90 days. She willingly did a residential 30 day prgram, then came home and started an IOP but quit. She has signed up for another IOP, and is supposed to start this week, if the counselor calls. She goes to NA and AA meetings and has a new boyfriend who has been clean for 6 years. They go everywhere together.
I don't believe she is using. And I know she is struggling and trying hard. However, she fights with me all the time, even though I'm trying very hard to have patience with her moods and problems. But I get angry when she gets irrational and then we both lose our tempers. She doesn't even want me to live in the house, so I agreed to move out. Luckily we have a summer place where I can go just to get away from her tirades, and I believe she is better off without me around. She can concentrate on getting in a routine and working on her recovery.
Here's my question, and it seems minor compared to the problems others have. We had plans to have her cousin and aunt visit us and spend the day, having lunch, etc. They don't know about her addiction. She doesn't want to have them come anymore b/c, she says, it would interrupt her routines. She wants me to cancel them, but I said she was free to do so. She should contact her cousin to cancel, not me.
I thought if I said yes to cancel the plans (and make some excuse) that it would be enabling anti-social behavior. But if she really wants to spend time on recovery, why shouldn't I tell a white lie? I'm just not sure she'll be doing anything productive on that afternoon. She may just want to take the dog for a walk and then take a nap and wait for her boyfriend to pick her up, as she has been doing.
Should I make the excuse to our relatives or insist that my daughter handle this on her own?
Canceling a lunch date isn't the same thing as enabling addiction, I know that. Am I making a mountain out of a molehill? I'm confused about what to do to help her get stronger.