Hi Sentso,
Welcome to SR! I agree just being able to talk and have people relate is so huge! I know how you feel, I tried to control and limit my drinking forever. You are so right that first drink is the beginning of the end. One drink and it was on! I never want just one and sometimes I would do anything to get out of a situation that was winding down so I could drink more alone...or with others...it didn't matter that much to me how. I can also relate to the comment that trying not to drink has you drinking more when you do. For years I was only a weekend drinker but man would I go to town on the weekend. I'd do all my drinking for the week in those two or three days. Keep coming on the site, its really helped me and I know it can truly help you too, if nothing else it's nice to be able to read things people post that you've thought yourself. Good Luck!