MalkavianEmily

I don't normally multi quote, but all these things jumped out at me. I suppose I ought to put this in the Class of May 2012 thread, but equally, I can't help feeling it belongs here.

All those lines could have been me talking.

I went to the shops after taking mum to get her pension. I managed not to buy any drink, thanks to picking up the phone. On the way back, my AV (Catherine) started talking to me. "You're not an alcoholic. You'd need to be a human being for that."
On the way there, I'd started to think about how the happy feelings I'd had from drinking hadn't been real, but fake happiness had been so much better than the real misery I'd swapped it for. I am increasingly convinced that I have no soul. I'd made my mind up. Except I'd picked up the phone instead. I'd managed not to give in, and Catherine wasn't happy. And now she was getting nasty. I had no answer for her.
We have no alcohol in the house. Part of me wants to go and get some. Part of me knows that it will do no good. Part of me just wants to disappear altogether.

Somehow, I'm holding on. And hating myself for doing it.
Weasel, people on here tell me I can do it, that I'm strong... and somehow, it becomes true.
I'm not going to say you can do it, or rather, I am. You can do this. It's not easy, and it's easy to have no faith in yourself. But there are people out there that have faith in you. In us.

I wish I could do more to help. To see you struggle like this... my heart goes out to you. You are worth it. :ghug3
And yes, you do deserve good things. Nice things. You do deserve to be happy, and really happy, not the fake kind that comes in liquid or powder form.
(ironic laugh) this sounds so like what my fiance said to me earlier, it's not true. Funny how it's so much easier to believe it about others than ourselves.