I drank, Ken. I did coke too. You are no different than me. I can hear your anguish loud and clear, and you described it just as I would have. *ding* again.
Alcohol and coke are now to me like my knife, razor sharp, dropped tip. To drink or put my nose down ever again would be to take that knife, touch it to my chest and push. Somehow, at the same time, it would be to do the same to my wife, to my daughters, to everything I love. It wasn't like that for many years, Ken, but I drew that line when I quit.
Please keep posting, don't leave us here. You will learn from this, I know, and others will learn from your posts too. You will do it, because you can. I have faith in you, Ken. There is no doubt in my mind how this will turn out for you. Best to you.