Drinking a bottle of jäger and doing 200 of coke requires some comprehension on my part of what I did.
I am reading my AVRT book and at the part I need to make a plan. Maybe I saw that yesterday and thought not yet. Who knows.
I see my therapist tonight.
I will stay close to you all today.
I will try to not feel shame.
I actually thought through my drunk last night. There was a woman at the bar. She has cancer. I sobered up for the time we talked. It was more about paying attention to someone else at that moment. Trying to comprehend what life was for her. I felt guilty being drunk.
I have so many things I spit on. Not because I am ungrateful. Because I am ignorant to what I have when I have it.
SR reminders me everyday what I have. I read about others that are struggling.
Hard to believe that those who seem so strong here were at this point. So if you can .... And Maryann ( woman at the bar ) can live it then I can too.
The ledge was never anything I was gonna jump from. Just peek over. I decided it is too high!!!!!
Going back in now.