I'm so sorry you're struggling so much today. And I second LDT, we are not better than you. We're all struggling and right there with you, and we've all done crap we regret, we're only human. I am with Sapling, I had to give it UP to my HP, I could not do it on my own.....I have the best supporting friends, and family anyone could ask for, and yet, I knew deep down inside there was only one "person" that could help.
Virtual ((Hugs)) thinking of you today!