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Old 06-27-2012, 09:11 PM
  # 18 (permalink)  
LifeRecovery
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Right here, right now!
Posts: 3,424
We tried marriage counseling. She saw us together twice then each of us individually, before we came back together. I think it was a way to establish safety for each of us to talk about hard things while the other one was not there. I already had a long-term individual counselor, he did not. I was working a recovery, he was not. Looking back I think she was aware of that by the time we came back together.

I got a lot out of couples counseling, including that he was not cut out to be in a relationship at that junction in his life. I continued to see her off and on occasionally after the relationship ended (in addition to my individual counselor). Her experiences in couples help to add a different perspective to things.

I have had a wise person tell me that typically a relationship is challenging to keep going if one person is in recovery and the other is not.

I have learned that without examination my adult relationships are a way of recreating what was known in my childhood. My codependent behaviors were already in place prior to my relationship with an alcoholic, and in part attracted me to him. I hope that I choose to get into that relationship to learn and heal from my childhood (and that I don't have to repeat that lesson again).

Finally though we did not work out as a couple I am grateful that I did what I could to try. That was important to me and if nothing else came out of couples counseling that was valuable.
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