We didn't go to counseling because of his drinking. I am done trying to fix that issue. That is completely on him. We went to figure out if our marriage is salvageable. We have so much more going on than just the alcohol problem, although that was brought up right away during our first session.
What is actually tearing us apart is that I have changed by becoming a more confident, self-reliant person who refuses to just play nice even when things are not great. I will no longer put up with being the scape goat for his sour attitude and mood swings.
He does not seem to like himself and that makes it hard to like him. He knows that he can be mean, sarcastic, bitter, and paranoid. These are the things that need attention. He has acted this way when drunk or stone-cold sober. I too thought things would smooth out when he stopped going on long binges, but it didn't happen.