Welcome
You came to the right place.
I'm a spouse of an alcoholic so I dont think I'll be much help on how to get clean but if you ever need to talk I'm here for you. I'm 21 and I've thought about "ending it all" many a time in my life from severe anxiety and depression.
My best advice for that is stay away from people and things that trigger those moments of wanting to end everything, and go see a therepist. They have medication for depression that despite what some may say are for your best interest.
Best of luck to you hon, email me whenever you have such life ending thoughts!
Love and prayers your way.