wow, i'm really surprised at and appreciate the quick responses!
anna: i have decided to live a sober life. i simply can't go on anymore the way i was.
dee: thank you! i know i can do it, i just need help and i believe this is a great place for me to be, especially in my situation.
impurrfect: thank you! i'm in south georgia. i realize i can't undo what i've done, but i can keep myself from doing it ever again, which is one of my personal goals.
grits: you're exactly right. i'm just so torn up about what i've done to her. i'm sickened at the thought of how i treated her when all she did was love me so much. i have gone to one meeting, and actually am in an online meeting as i type this, because i don't have a car. but i'm going to reach out to people to see if i can find a ride with others to get to meetings.