glennsf

Day 4 of Detox from Opiates and Alcohol

I'm not going to gripe about the fact that I'm writing this while wearing two winter jackets in summer (freezing cold); nor will I gripe that I've used up two rolls of toilet paper today alone; other potential gripes that won't be in this thread: I've had no solids in 4 days, I've got those terrible cramps, not to mention very little sleep, a sharp ringing in my ears, runny nose, watery eyes, yawning, stretching, aching, vomiting, and etc.. What good would it do to gripe? I only have to do this one time, right?

I just need some support to get through this hard time. I'm having a lot of shame about this and a lot of anger that I relapsed 6 years ago. I had 4 years clean, some of the best years of my life. I developed some dang degenerative disk disorder (along with a chronic case of kidney stones), and I went out on pain meds. It's no excuse. My program wasn't strong enough, though I went to the meetings. I read the Big Book. I had a sponsor, and I even sponsored. Still, it wasn't enough to keep me clean. I guess I needed to do some more research: cunning, baffling, powerful!

I haven't been to any meetings yet. In truth, I'm afraid to go (being this sick), and I have other fears about going back, too... but I know I can't do this alone. I'm reaching out my hand. I like to hear about the power of the program and all the good that it can do in a person's life. If you relapsed hard, I'd love to know how you got back.