you are in that state of thinking which is totally crazy making.
CRAZY MAKING
circular questioning...what ifs what ifs what ifs.
cut your losses and never look back!!
my ex told me once about a somewhat famous short story writer who he dated briefly and that she had written a story based on him. so of course I looked it up. in it she talked about how this jekyll and hyde character sneered at the fact that his ex girlfriends were so desperate that they let him make furniture out of their skin...
a really nasty gross metaphor yes?
when I finally had him move out of my house I said something about his making furniture...and he sneered back at me that "it was my fault...that I let him do it!"
PLEASE walk away from this guy, his behavior sounds 10X worse than my ex, seriously. you need help with your perspective right now...there is not a single person here who is even HINTING at saying "oh yes, great possibility there!" not a single person here can even imagine in any way why you should even have the slightest fantasy of going back to him!!!
but we also understand why you do. its called codependency.
and you need to continue seeking recovery from it in order to find your path to LIFE
thank you for being here. we all need each other to help each other with our recovery.
you remind me to not forget what I just told you