mrs brownie
i have had bf that i or them broke up with and felt the same way you do now. i desperately wanted them to see how much happier life could be with me. i would torture myself with being close (like you talking to his mum) but not break my boundaries for no contact. i wanted them to show me how much i was worth. but the reality is, only you can do that. you have far more value in yourself and you so do not need this type of guy who i must say, "sounds like a real catch....NOT" to want you back. thank your lucky stars that you are out and start doing some nice things for yourself and get your own self worth from within. there is an abundance of it inside of you waiting for you to use it.
You are going to be just fine when you see how lucky you are right now.
hugs to you.