Loopy,
I know the feeling all too well. Coming to the realization that my A just isn't going to change grows daily. I find myself just completely shutting off from him. I don't even care anymore if he gets sober, I don't think it will happen anytime soon, but I wouldn't care if it happened tomorrow. He STILL treats me like a jerk and always has and so that just isn't acceptable.
I am with you on facing the real question, "How much longer can I live with him." My answer: NOT MUCH LONGER AT ALL.
I feel like I have to keep the walls up, the anger brewing and the bitterness up because to let go means I forgive him again and the cycle starts all over AGAIN. I am not willing to do it all over again. I just am not. How about you?