Zarozina,
I read your posts. They are kind of hiding. I feel your pain. I understand some of your pain. I don't have PTSD. I don't own horses or my own place, although I do live alone and I am currently single, too. I also have a difficult time with alcohol and food. I tend to over-indulge in either one.
I went to AA on day 5 of my new sobriety. It was my life saver.
I hope you stick around here, there's lots to read and lots of support.
Keep posting! Maybe put all of your post in one on the Newcomer's Forum so we can get to know you!!
Now, you aren't alone!
Hugs,