Ok ... I lied.... It was not so sudden.
I woke up in a very introspective mood. Day 3 again and needed to see what's different this time. Why should I believe myself.
Before I lost my daily life to drugs and alcohol I used to spend 5 minutes in the morning quiet and still. I guess meditation but that always sounded more lofty than I ever felt worthy of. So I decided that spending this time again will help me seeing things I need to to stay sober.
This morning I decided to focus on this statement,,,, " I can see my world differently if I try"
So I thought back ... Picked a specific time... 2006. I just turned 40. I was in the depths of crack and alcohol. I focused on trying to feel the feelings I knew then. Place myself in the apartment I was in. Picture the people I let feed off me.
I cried. It felt good. I think they were tears mixed with sadness and joy.
Suddenly I see that today is so much better that I can hardly believe it.
So what's different I thought? Everything. I had the strength to change things to get to this point. And this is still a sketchy spot to be at just three days. So it may not be sudden but I am moving at glacier speed. And they can move miles!
Like I said... Introspective today.
