I feel your pain. When I was with my ex alcoholic, I was riding first class on the crazy train.
Never have I been on a ride like that. No other relationship has put on that crazy train like it did with this alcoholic.
I suspected my ex for 2 yrs of cheating and finally caught him. I had no kids with him, so walked away the second I find out and never took him back.
When I saw the person he was having an affair with, I freaked. She was someone he knew from high school and would talk bad about. She has Borderline personality disorder, is loud, obnoxious, really overweight (my ex and I are weight lifters and in awesome shape), she was married with 4 little kids etc....and he was having an affair with her.
In most cases, I do not blame the other women, in my case, this trash bag knew what she was doing and when I left his sorry a*ss, she cranked called my house for 6 months until I put a trace on my phone.
My ex knew she was crank calling me and didn't put a stop to it.
This man was a "suit", good job, kids, good family, had most of his ducks in a row and was still acting like the bottom of the barrel.
Addicts have SERIOUS underlying mental disorders, so expect the worst out of your husband and never expect any truth to come from them.
They cannot tell the truth because it goes against their survival.
The BEST way to get him to respect you, is to respect yourself and don't react, don't talk to him (unless you have to), don't beg, plead and show your dignity.
It will be hard because now you're addicted to the ride, but get off the train and try as hard as you can to not have contact with him unless for the kids.