Originally Posted by
Summerpeach 
My pain is greater now than ever...not from not being around him, but from my own failures.
I think this is so important in your journey of recovery! My last "serious" relationship, where I was engaged for 15 months, was the one that brought me to my knees.
The pain was finally great enough that I knew I
had to do something different.
Like you, I had warning bells going off all over, but I was at a very vulnerable place in my life (which was a pattern with me with men), and it was very "heady" for me to be charmed and adored. In looking back, I see the manipulations, and we were two sick people.
I completely understand the shame. It took me 12 long years after getting into long-term recovery from my addictions/alcoholism before I hit a bottom in codependency and men.
I am a
very slow learner.
Sending you hugs of support!
