Enabling question
One of the first things I quickly discovered after my wife left our home to fully focus on "finally getting it right" was that she hadn't yet embraced that to the level she was portraying to me and her parents. The "story" she provided to her parents was that she was clean since March 15th and moving forward from there. She left to stay with her sponsor for the first few days starting on the 28th and ended up staying in hotel rooms for around a week in early April. At this point I was still convinced this was a short separation to get her on the right track. I quickly realized money was being pulled out at an alarming rate. I also discovered that her father was providing money as well to "keep her from being on the street". This was all so confusing at the time. Here she was with some sort of plan I had little input in and her father giving her the money to stay in hotels (they wouldn't allow her in their home due to the severe acts of deception and theft) yet I'm suddenly being raided for money as well. I assumed that she had been cornered, trapped, and cut-off by her parents and when she saw that her using wasn't possible anymore she went for the next best option, which was escape. Since she couldn't achieve that on her own she did the next thing an addict does- enlist the enablers to take care of it.
I knew what was occuring and I cut her debit card off. Basically she motored through around $1200 between me and her father in around two weeks. That was evidently nothing compared to the previous 3-4 months, but obviously using was continuing. I remained silent in my talks with her parents about it, but I got her to admit what was occuring. Then I was informed that she had found a place with a six month lease and it was going to be fully funded by her father. She would be responsible for all living expenses through her job tutoring. I had finally protected myself from further thefts, and she seems to have finally stopped using and kept with the recovery program (which she never stopped going to even with her still using in April).
Long winded here, but her tutoring dried up enough to where I discovered her father was now giving her $500 a month with her promise to find more work. She did that and now has two jobs waiting tables, but still can hardly keep everything taken care of. She took out a title loan on her car for $600 to pay for an oustanding traffic ticket from a wreck in January and to get her CPR certification back to continue with her classes. This was another mistake on her part. She's now 5 days late on payment #1 and I can see nothing but finacial trouble on the horizon despite these handouts. I remained silent about this as well.
My question is how in the hell is she going to progress with recovery if her father wont stop this endless enabling? He's a very old-fashoned and stern man who doesn't understand addiction and believes that poor life choices are the root of the problem, yet he's continuing to contribute to part of the real problem. I feel like I need to have a talk with him about this, but I'm not sure it's wise for me to interfere with this right now. She still has asked me for a small amount of gas money a couple times in the last several weeks, and for some reason I don't think it's for using, but the more I think about it, the more unsure I become.
Is there any good course to follow here? I'm not sure what my wife told her parents to convince them that separation was the right answer here, but I now think it was. I'm in a bad place after all this and now I have room to breathe and start mending myself for what comes next, however I think my FIL is complicating all of this and I don't know what to do.....more confusion and distractions I don't need...