SadHeart

Wow, you are so wise. That's very profound.

Ignore her. Don't give her the satisfaction of competing for your son. You've already won that competition. You just may not realize it.

She can take your husband. She can't take your son. Give her parenting attempts no attention and they'll dwindle. Fight her on it and you'll have heartache. You'll still win, but your child will be the battlefield.

These girlfriends, especially the childless ones just have to meddle. They do it to ingratiate themselves with the man. They do it to weaken the bond with you (you are more of a threat than you realize to her). They do it to play house/family hoping to prime the man for a second family. Join a divorce group and see how common this is and all the different strategies that mothers use to 'protect' their children from the skank gf. See what works and what doesn't.

Really and truly, ignoring her like she's a buzzing fly, or non existent, or a cute toddler playing dress up in her mommy's clothes (iow, not worth notice) really is the best way to go.

I know this is all new and a lot to take in, and it seems like your son is the hill to die on, but she's already dead on it, and you will see it if you just let it go. Let her play house (on DH's time), let her parent through him. There's nothing you can do to stop it, if DH lets her do it, and making him a tug of war will make her happy, you unhappy, give DH a means to mistreat and punish you, and confuse and hurt your child. Let her play house, and she'll tire of it.

Lil misses who cheat with much older married alcoholic men are not the most mature and patient women. Let it go and she will lose interest. DH will have her do the chore parts of parenting (particularly if he's an A), your son is not going to be easy to win over especially if you don't put him in the middle, so he will frustrate her, and when there is no fun reaction of rage from you, she'll start to prefer the child-free weekends to the visitation ones.

You'll see. Just let it go.