Originally Posted by
painfully 
My RAH asked me what he could do to "undo" what he had done. I told him that a good first step would be to move out of "her" house. He told me that he was going to find another place to stay..
So he ASKS you what he can do to make it better, you obligingly tell him, he agrees but doesn't do it, when you follow up and call him on his failure, he tells you it's none of your business. Even though HE asked and HE agreed.
What a fun game...for him. He used communication to set you up and smack you down. Then he gets to go home to Laura and say, "She's spying on us, she's so jealous, she wants me back, she's crazy, and I told her off..." (this will inspire Laura's insecurity), and Laura will join him at being mad at you, it will be something else to unite them, she will feel sorry for your son and be extra wonderful to him to demonstrate how much better she is than you and reward him for knocking you down.
Win, win, win for him. Lose, lose, lose for you. Laura's being manipulated, but that's not your problem.
He used communication to abuse you--so consider taking away his "tool of abuse"; go no contact. Set up a visitation schedule and CS payment (have it garnished) and work only through attys.
There's very little communication necessary between divorced parents. Follow the schedule (drop off in drive, no need to go to the door), pay what's owed automatically, he can get his own copies of school reports and sports schedules (you aren't his social secretary).
Ignore phone calls, don't be within speaking distance, communicate in emails only (subject, verb, predicate--make them as short as possible), expect nothing, ask for nothing.
If he lets Laura meddle with your co-parenting, there's not much you can do about it. Don't get into a power struggle about it. As painful as it is, drop the rope and ignore it. Ultimately it won't matter (I know you don't believe that now, but it really won't).
This really, really works. And it will bug the heck out of him, and actually stress his relationship with Laura. Right now he's setting up a situation that two women both want him. Demonstrate by performance that you do not. This puts a subtle burden on Laura. She's got to live up to his fantasy of her (hard enough) PLUS compensate for the loss of you.
Trust me, withdrawal would be a very devious move on your part. And it would be healthy for you: stepping off the rollercoaster.