Pondering...
...thinking back. I have a recovery anniversary coming up and it has me pondering, thinking back about my life, then and now. The truth of the matter is, there isn't a day that goes by where I don't think about how far I've come, since choosing sobriety, and how grateful I am for finding a solution. Those are words I speak of often and I mean every one of them. I am grateful for my pain and suffering (sounds twisted, I know) because without it I could never understand the pure meaning of gratitude. I am grateful for second chances, forgiveness, and the many blessings I have been given. I've been afforded all of this due to sobriety. It wasn't easy. I stumbled a few times, but once I committed whole heartily, I have been rewarded greatly. Why would I choose booze when my life has become so rich for giving it up? When I say rich I don't mean monetarily. I mean in spirit, in balance and in joy. I've found the little things in life give my great satisfaction. These were things I overlooked, dismissed, found paltry in my sea of booze and the foggy vision/reality it created.
Wow, I can honestly say I was very selfish in my actions. I'm proud to say that I strive to put others before myself today. Sure, I'm important and there are times I must put myself first, but it doesn't always have to be my way, all about me, or my last words echoing throughout the airwaves. I'm grateful that today I get that. I know many who don't. I know the mere fact that I have an understanding of this makes my life and those lives who surround me much easier and that is a good thing, most certainly. Oh, I was not a very nice person at times. However, I like the person I have become. What surprises me the most is I never knew it was possible to be a better person. I just thought I was who I was. I heard someone say the other day that people don't really ever change. I said, yes they do. They do if they really want to and I kept it at that and didn't elaborate more. It wasn't necessary to explain any further. I left it at that because there are times when less is more. Of course, I wouldn't be honest if I didn't add that some days are better than others and practice makes person. I still have plenty to learn and plenty to work on. While my heart is still beating, I don't think I'll ever reach the end of the road on that respect.
Many people want a second chance at life and dip their toe into the recovery pond, but find it uncomfortable for whatever reason. They give up the pursuit because quite honestly, the quest for sobriety is uncomfortable and not very fun amidst the journey. It sucks, there is no way around it. But like the old saying goes what doesn't kill us makes us stronger...yep, it is true. It is so cliche, but I love that about life. We can suffer mercilessly, but can come out the other side stronger, not without efforts, though, of course. It takes much soul searching, strenuous work and a lot of blood, sweat and tears to reach that achievement, but it is doable. I swear, nothing in life is simple and just when we think we have it figured out it changes.
The most valuable thing I have taken away from all of this suffering, learning and sobriety is that patience is a virtue and even the most horrific of times will pass. Through faith and hope we can endure and survive without having to resort to drinking. If we are here reading the words others have posted we are well aware that a drink never solved anything. I drank a sea of booze and awoke to countless empty bottles, but my problems were still alive and well and on most occasions my drinking had exacerbated them and sprouted a few more. Most of them quite embarrassing at that.
With that, I'd like to say I'm grateful I have a place to come to and read and share. To offer my experience of what did and didn't work for me. I have a place to remember and to be reminded of how far I have come and how quickly I can lose it all. Life is what you make of it. I swear, we all have choices, but there are times when life chooses for us and we must learn to accept it, change it, or find a middle ground. I often wonder who is driving this bus called life? I find myself in twists and turns that I didn't sign up for thinking WTH? How did this happen? I'm making good choices and right out of left field life happens and I have to figure out what to do next. We persevere and ride it out and the proverbial doors continue to open and close behind us.
As I get older my priorities have changed immensely. My values have changed. What I value important is a world apart from what it used to be. I long for simplicity in life. I've already been through the complicated part. I think I will stick with keeping it simple. Yes, I will do my best to keep it real and simple. I don't have to create my happiness from a bottle. I have finally resolved my issues to feeling true happiness, the real kind, not the fabricated kind. Finding resolve from my difficult past is such a reward. Once again, I'm aware that many aren't able to achieve that goal. I have. I feel like I am one of the lucky ones and for that I am grateful. My wish for everyone is that they can fight through the tough times, resolve what hurts them the most and can find true happiness without searching for it in an empty bottle. That method will leave you with the same results each and every time. The bottle will be empty and so will you. It can be done, folks and I wish it for all those who are still suffering. Never give up the fight. Every person who walks this earth deserves happiness and the efforts to live life sober. I know I am not the only person in the world who can achieve this, win this, overcome it. We all can. Peace...