hypochondriac - feeling guilty about not relapsing? That's been me for the last few days, beating myself up for not drinking as much as I ever did for drinking. Why was I managing to resist the beast? (I've decided to call her Catherine, btw)
Why and how don't matter. I was. Telling myself it should have been harder, that with all the stuff going on in my life I should have crawled back into a bottle, and that I didn't meant that clearly I didn't have a problem... and therefore it was ok to drink. That wasn't helpful.
It should get easier. Don't forget, we aren't defenceless against the beast like we were in the beginning. We're aware of it for one thing. We have tools to help us in the struggle, and yes, it was a struggle. I have to remember that Catherine will say anything to get what she wants. Telling me I don't have a problem is one of her favourite tactics. She's cunning, devious, manipulative and a skilled liar.
For me, labels don't matter. What matters is staying sober. And I'll do what it takes to make sure I do.
Anyway, Highbottom congrats on 36 days. That's great.