Welcome to SR!
For what it's worth, we have many people in my area who drank like you have and are in AA meetings most days. Have you tried other meetings in your area? Eventually, you will meet those people.
Maybe some deep reflection could help you see if your life is unmanageable or not. AA was developed by professionals who had their alcoholism progress to seriously unmanageable heights. The seriously hopeless and desperate cases were given a daily reprieve from their drinking.
At one point, your drinking reminds me of me. I had a list of things I had not yet done, it was quite long. I rarely drank much if anything at social events. Maybe one or two. I never drank and drove. I drank at home after work. Unfortunately, before long, I had done many of those "not yets" and my life became extremely unmanageable. Can you relate in to those other people with anything you hear? Maybe focus on that. Guilt? yeah, I know guilt.
Many of us begin to think we really didn't have a problem between 1-9 months at some point. We rationalize why we didn't need to stay stopped and we drank again. I did. It took me 25 years between my first AA meeting and finally working the 12 steps. Today I have 13 months of sobriety at the age of 51. I really don't suggest giving up abstinence just yet.
Have a heart to heart talk with yourself and see if you can find that unmanageability or talk with your sponsor in depth. The steps can still help you before your drinking progresses to that point. I've seen them help other people who hadn't progressed too far, yet.
Glad you are here!