Well, I'm out of the closet now! (In the literal sense, in case any of you missed my earlier post.) It's the quietest spot in this house, and the noise was driving me into a borderline homicidal rage. (Crew knows what I mean about noise.) Sometimes it's just too much! That hammer! And he was alternating between using the power drill, the hammer, and loud swearing to do the job, which turned out to be something with the entertainment center and our electronic stuff.
My husband's project wasn't going well (hence the swearing), and I couldn't get out to go to AA like I wanted to, because I needed to keep the little one out of his hair when she woke up from her nap. I was so frustrated that I was going to miss going to AA that I wanted to go drink. How screwy is that? I'm so devoted to my sobriety that I'm going to get wasted if I can't go to a meeting.
I'm also a little upset with my husband, because I needed to go run this evening, I was desperate to unwind somehow. No, he was tired and stressed and didn't want to be left with the kids and he wants me to hang out with him. So he gets to sit there and drink, and I have NOTHING to do except dissolve into a twitchy mass of anxiety.
Sigh. It's fine, I'm sober and not going for the kitchen knife yet, so I guess today was a win.
Oh, some of you wanted to know about AA. Well, if you're thinking about going, whether you're just curious and want to check it out, or if you're drawn to it philosophically, you should go ahead and go. When I went last night, several people greeting me as soon as I walked in. Once the meeting started, I introduced myself as a newcomer (I didn't have to, she asked if there were newcomers who wanted to be acknowledged.) Then the rest of the meeting the people took turns telling their stories and welcoming me. I wasn't exactly put on the spot, but it was strange having people take turns talking to me about their alcoholism. Not strange in a bad way, but this is something that I don't really know how to talk about, so it was strange in a new way.
The people there are decidedly non-scary. It's true what people say about AA members coming from all walks of life. Classy business women, rough tattooed guys, a couple of grandmas, a couple of very young people. Most of them would never be pegged as alcoholics. I could not believe that the gorgeous, elegant, mid-forties lady in her expensive power suit had a drinking problem. I really identified with their stories; every single person said something that hit very close to home for me.
At the end, all of the women wrote down their phone numbers, and several people came up to me and hugged me. We stood around and chatted for another 20 minutes and then went home. I didn't talk during the meeting itself, but I didn't mind sharing when we were casually conversing. That's a big deal to me because I have NEVER spoken aloud of my drinking except to my husband, who thinks I'm overanalyzing. So yeah, I respect that this isn't for everybody, but I can see why some take to it so well. I'm looking forward to giving it a chance.
Okay, long post ... I get chatty when I'm wound up like I am right now. Hopefully I'll get some sleep eventually, but it's better to be tired in the morning than hungover!