Also want to say that it is feeling very difficult to admit to and deal with these feelings sober. When drinking alone when I feel like this you can just let out all of your grief in a big sloppy mess. And in my lifetime I would often drink wine and make myself throw it up and this had some sort of cathartic effect on me. But having to fight through and try and deal with and express these things while sober feels somewhat impossible and certainly lonely and uncomfortable. In this way I feel like alcohol was a friend or someone I'm missing. I feel like I'm trying to talk and don't have the words.
Sorry for being a thread hog tonight. I don't think anyone from our class is here and I'm just thinking out loud and trying to process. I know I don't have any specific problems right now compared to all the people who are struggling with legitimate events and problems.