True...simple is not always easy. I guess I was adding to my list of things to beat myself up about by wondering why something so "simple" is so "hard". It seemingly defies logic.
Today..I'm trying to be aware of what feelings lead to a possible trigger or craving (or, worst of all relapse). Usually, I'm noticing it's some feeling of either emptiness (within myself/my life) or frustration (with someone or something). Automatically, I think alcohol will fill the emptiness or cease the frustration. But if it does, it is SO short term (like an hour!) and then I have to deal with about 48 hours of considerably more emptiness and frustration than I started out with- that is providing I don't continue to drink, which of course would probably not be the case.
So, while I don't want to invest too much time in the "whys" and "hows", I do want to understand myself and how it got to this point, so that I can be prepared and ready to fight the battle when I need to.
Today, there is no fighting. Today I hate alcohol and all it does to me and others. And I mean I HATE it.