Originally Posted by
EmmyG 
Does anyone else get jealous when they see "normal," healthy couples/families? My AH and I never do anything fun really. I love music and concerts but I haven't been to one in years because I'm always really nervous in places like that because I'm afraid he'll start drinking. We never go to family functions because my family has issues with him for what he's put me through. He has so much shame over his behavior that we never see friends anymore. It's crazy that I've given up so much "life." I would love to have a husband who I could go out dancing with. The last time we did that, probably two years ago, he drank more than the two beers he agreed to, and ended up drunk and threatening to fight a guy who bumped into me. I got into a cab and went straight home. He came home in a cab later, and I had to pull him off the street in front of our house because he was trying to start a fight with a random guy walking down the street.
Wow, all this reflecting is really making me question how I've put up with all of this for so long.
Sorry for posting so much. I'm a little lonely and this is getting me through. When I left my religion at 23, (7 years ago), I lost all of my friends. Now, dealing with an A has prevented me from really cultivating new friendships. I need that in my life again. Maybe now I can refocus.
Hi Emmy,
Yes, i was getting very jealous of "Normal People" who have more fulfilling relationships.
My AXbf had rage issues, so anytime I tried to take him out (he was broke and couldn't find work) he would be miserable and make everything miserable. Got to where I would BEG him, "please, just enjoy the (event, whatever) please....this one's important to me..." Etc.
Never worked. We did very little. I started getting good at going doing things on my own, but I was always sad about it...wanted him to join me, to be happy, to have fun
together.
I see
this kind of jealousy as a gift!!!!!!! :day6
Realizing I was jealous of others was a GOOD THING!!! I began to realize, because of the jealousy, that I was not just nebulously miserable, but that I was MISERABLE WITH this person, and that it wasn't getting any better---the jealousy began to break through my infatuation with him, to let me know that I WANTED BETTER THAN THIS!!!
Be jealous, but don't just stay in the emotion---- ask WHAT IS THIS FEELING TELLING ME?
I want to be happy, so Do I need to
do something about it?
........
Getting better! Focusing ahead, now! My desires are in front of me, not behind!!