Good topic for discussion.
Life with an A is not "normal" ... ever. Alcoholism is not curable only treatable if the A is willing to work a program of recovery for life.
When my A and I were on the roller coaster of constant ups and downs of life with an A I had to always consider how my A would react to social situations and our life was planned around that since I did most of the planning.
I can take or leave alcohol so I left it for the four years.... simply did not drink along with my XA who of course was abstinent (at least in my presence lol). When he relapsed the last time for the LAST TIME with me I was in the home he has chosen for us in the golf community HE WANTED. I had rented my beach home and I was stuck in the lease without his financial help.
Pick business and life partners carefully. A's no longer need apply. We codies are always the guarantors on everything!
Anyway... I immediately went out and bought a wine rack and about 10 bottles of really nice wines. I learned to enjoy wine with dinner in Europe and I simply had given it up... no big deal really... but it was an act of defiance for me.
My friends were all shocked when they saw I was drinking but they told me that they always worried about my XA when we were all out together and most would not drink alcohol in solidarity with my XA. Now we all have a glass of wine with dinner and its... nice.
Secondly... I never went out. Never. Bars were a HUGE trigger. In the community I am in there is lots of lots of dancing. Lots of social clubs that meet and ball room dance. Lots of restaurants that have live music and dancing. Now my girlfriends go out and dance all the time together when they visit me... which is often now since I am living in this fun community with all these cool things to do.
Alcoholism is such a horrible disease and it even frightened my friends! They would worry along with me that in the wrong situation my A would possibly relapse (he was a super sneaky closet drinker who potentially would sneak up to the bar when no one was looking and slip alcohol in an allegedly alcohol free drink).
So... it is an issue. And when you lose the A it is a new freedom you enjoy. You can have wine with dinner without twinges of guilt. You can go dancing with friends and have a drink without having to watch the A like a hawk or worry that you are setting the stage for his relapse. You can have cooking wine or a nice bottle of wine in the house without worrying that he will drink it while you are out of the house.
I cannot tell you how WONDERFUL it is to wake up everyday and not have to worry about what my A might have done while I was asleep (closet drink)... or that he picked up a beer at a conveinence store while driving... or WHATEVER!!!!
You can't trust an A!!!! Ever. Sigh. This is the sad truth that I refused to accept. They have a big hole somewhere (heart? brain? both?) and no matter how much time you invest you are trustworthy in the relationship and they will always be dicey.
I am not normal! I am having waaaaay tooo much fun to be normal. Mondays are bike club, Tuesdays in Ladies golf, Wednesday and Thursday I have ballroom dancing class, Friday is yoga and of course we go out and dance on the weekends!
And alanon meetings too... pretty busy for semi retired and getting over heartbreak ... lol.. I am way over it!
Take what you want and leave the rest!