Hi Painfully,
I am so sorry to hear you are going through this. I have recently severed my relationship with my A and he now is in a year long residential treatment center and is Mr. Wonderful... so sweet and loving.
I have zero interest in contemplating a future with my XA even though I "love" (lots of chemicals, hormone action along with we truly enjoy each others company and personality).... but....
You can NEVER, NEVER trust an A completely... drinking or not. They can revert to that sneaky, dishonest, selfish persona character defect if the situation were compelling enough to them.
WHY you XA has chosen to be a slimy sneaky louse even though he allegedly practices the 12 steps that are based on integrity and unselfishness tells you that he is either dishonest in his recovery or he is simply a creep.
Do you want to spend your life with either of those scenarios? I am so angry FOR YOU I would like to track him down myself.... grrrrr. He didn't even have the common decency to get a room or apartment by himself... most creeps would have at least tried to make a show of not having busted up two marriages with their selfishness.
Attraction is one thing and I love the fireworks but love ... true love... is based on character and trust. Your husband has callously stabbed you in the back like you mean nothing to him after the sacrifices of standing by him in the worst of times.
I know you feel such enormous pain at this betrayal... but I hope you get angry soon as it can be a healing emotion. Know this... we your family at SR are very, very angry for you!
Make sure you find a counselor that is well versed in both addiction and codependency. Find an alanon meeting... and plan some fun things with your kids and without them. TAke care of you.