Sam, I am pretty knew to sobriety and before I got sober I was in and out of impatient hospitals bc everytime I drank I became suicidal. I experienced all the feelings you are right now. I didnt want to hear about AA either because I felt out of place there. I am telling you the disease of alcoholism is planting these thoughts into your head. You are loved and cared about and if you dont feel it now you will find it in the rooms. Sometimes we perceive people are rejecting us and its up to us to speak to other members in the meetings and you may be surprised of the positive responses you get. Ask for a list of numbers and admit you are struggling and you need help. If you can, try different meetings I go to a ton if different meetings some I feel more comfortable at than others. I live in a cliquey town so some AAs are cliquish but many are not. In my experience the more I attended the meetings the more people spoke to me but you also have to reach out too. Many members of AA are more than happy to help those who are struggling it also keeps them sober.
I do believe your family would much prefer you get help and admit you have a probklem than kill yourself over the booze. In this situation you must put yourself first because you cannot be there for others while drinking. You can do this stay strong. We have all felt this way when we were drinking. It only gets worse. As many suggested get medical detox bc its very dangerous doing it alone.
God bless and I am here if you need to talk.