Oh, Emmy,
I've heard it said that "normal" is just a setting on the washing machine. After living my own complicated life with an A, I can tell you that there is danger in comparing your insides to other peoples' outsides. Many friends used to tell me that they wished they had my "wonderful life and relationship" that they saw from my X and me. LITTLE did they know the h*ll that I lived behind closed doors.
i do understand your desire to go out and do things. One of my greatest gifts from recovery was to learn that I could make plans and go and do those things - for myself. It was part of learning how to set and maintain my boundaries. One of my boundaries was that I would NOT go out to an event with my X if he was active in his "ism". I learned to say that "I intend to go here and do this ... and I am not willing to go with you in the same car if you have been drinking or plan to drink. Therefore, I will be driving myself. " (Remember, boundaries are about what I will or will not do and what I will or will not accept. Not about anyone else.)
I also made some very good friendships with some other women in my Al Anon group, and I'm still friends with a few of them many years later. There were a group of us that went to events together!
It was such a huge relief to me when I was able to make my own plans to go out and enjoy life again. I didn't realize how much I had given up!
I promise there is light and life and love and laughter on the other side.