Craving normalcy
Does anyone else get jealous when they see "normal," healthy couples/families? My AH and I never do anything fun really. I love music and concerts but I haven't been to one in years because I'm always really nervous in places like that because I'm afraid he'll start drinking. We never go to family functions because my family has issues with him for what he's put me through. He has so much shame over his behavior that we never see friends anymore. It's crazy that I've given up so much "life." I would love to have a husband who I could go out dancing with. The last time we did that, probably two years ago, he drank more than the two beers he agreed to, and ended up drunk and threatening to fight a guy who bumped into me. I got into a cab and went straight home. He came home in a cab later, and I had to pull him off the street in front of our house because he was trying to start a fight with a random guy walking down the street.
Wow, all this reflecting is really making me question how I've put up with all of this for so long.
Sorry for posting so much. I'm a little lonely and this is getting me through. When I left my religion at 23, (7 years ago), I lost all of my friends. Now, dealing with an A has prevented me from really cultivating new friendships. I need that in my life again. Maybe now I can refocus.