Hi and I'm glad that you found us. I've been to Derbyshire before and it's really a beautiful place. My grandfather came from Litchfield many years ago.
5 years is a really long time to keep something inside and it sounds like you've gone through a whole lot. Loving someone with an addiction is devastating....and I know for me, it created my own addiction - which was my then boyfriend (who became my husband). Unfortunately, it's really true...we can become as sick as the addicts that we love without even realizing it.
The fact that you are reaching out is a really good sign. You can make your decisions at your own pace - which is exactly what I did. I know that I now regret that I didn't get to where I am sooner but we all grow at our own pace - and mine was rather slow. The best things that I did for myself were to stay connected to this forum (no matter what), start working my own recovery program (in Naranon and Alanon), got a sponsor and worked the steps, and learned everything I possibly could about addicition. You can start gathering information by reading the stickies at the top of our forum and also by reading Melody Beattie's books (Co-dependent No More is a good place to start).
There is a way out of the pain and you can find it - there are people that have been where you are and the priniciples of recovery are to reach out to those that seek help.
I am sorry for your pain. The best thing that I ever did was start to focus on me - and not my addict. It was hard because I loved him soooooooo much. But I can promise you, this recovery program works if you work it. The only person that any of us can really save is ourself.
Hope that you'll stick around!