Things will get better and you are heading in the right direction just by sharing here. Since misery loves company I have to say I could have written your entire post. All of that has happened to me with my AH. We are separated 2 months now and things are starting to stabilize a bit. Do what you need to do to take care of yourself. If you are as much like me as I think you are, you probably haven't done that lately. Trust me it will make a big difference. Start looking at your life instead of constantly focusing on his problems. Read the stickies at the top of this forum and keep on posting!