I do the checking on him, too.
I keep doing it, even though I know I shouldn't.
We are separated, but trying to work on things. He goes to AA and hasn't drank in a couple of months.
However, he has lied (A LOT) to me in the past, and cheated on me once. So I check his email and phone records. Daily
So far I haven't found anything amiss. So why do I keep checking???? I think it's because -- wait, I KNOW it's because -- I don't trust him. He hasn't been trustworthy. This helps me know he's not lying right now. However, where is my detachment??
It feels obsessive and unhealthy to check his stuff. I also feel guilty. But I don't trust him to be honest with me. And I don't know how we're going to work on "us" if I don't trust him. But I don't, haven't for a couple of years, and don't know if I ever will.
If I don't check, how will I know if he's being truthful with me?