Originally Posted by
EmmyG 
I lied to him once, early in our relationship, and said I hadn't gone to a bar for a friend's birthday when I had. He had been really insecure about me going there, he thought I liked someone there, so I didn't tell him because I knew he had nothing to worry about. I also lied a couple months ago when he asked if my sister and I had stopped for a drink after a movie. Again, I didn't tell him because I didn't want to give him a reason to drink himself. His other big resentment against me is that he thinks I control him because I panic when he goes out and when he's on a binge, I check his account sometimes. That's only because I want to know if he's drinking so I can make sure I'm not home. What a mess.
I understand. We all lie, it's part of being human. What matters is, have you made amends for it to your Higher Power and/or to the person you lied to. If you are changing your ways, that's all that matters. Progress, not perfection. The lies that alcoholics tell are not little white lies and that's where we(and they) get into trouble. It's not a level playing field.
You are not controlling him with your panic. He is trying to control you by claiming that someone else's actions can control him. We all know that we cannot control another person, period. He's just trying to mess with you. From now on, if you go out and have a drink you might want to be honest. What you do is what you do, what he does is what he does. He will make his choice to drink whether or not you drink so there's no reason to lie about it. Give him up to your Higher Power, let him go. Then you can focus on yourself and get into some good therapy for just you. Go to Al Anon, find a sponsor, find a trusted friend, and keep coming back here.
I'm in a similar situation and I'm not leaving my AH yet. But, I know that no matter what happens, I will be alright. And, so will you.