I understand completely. There were many times that I had lied to my ex. Truthfully I did feel bad about it, but I would not have lied, if I did not feel like I was walking on eggshells, and that anything at all that I did, or didn't do, would set him off, and give him an excuse to drink.
I also checked accounts, his wallet when he didn't take it with him when he went to take a shower, his cell phone when I had access to it. Why? I wanted to know if he was in a bar or a hotel when he disappeared for days to months at a time. He instead would pay for everything in cash.
Talk about panic about the binges, I developed PTSD because of this.
I was accused of trying to control him, which I guess maybe I was. I thought at that time that I was trying to set boundaries. I was always being told that I was not his mother, and that I cannot tell him what to do.
I think what you did, mostly all of us on here did it, at one time or another.