mourning the loss of alcohol and drugs
Yesterday was very stressful for me - the most since I stopped drinking 49 days ago. So, of course I was tormented by my AV about thought of drinking or using. It didn't help that when running errands I passed 2 different liquor stores and 3 bars. It finally hit me during all of this that no matter what I could not drink or use - I would not. Ever. This was really a powerful idea that really saddened and confused me. Part of me felt I was losing an old comforting friend, and part of me felt I was casting out a demon. Overall I wasn't upset that I couldn't get drunk or high. I was more upset that my safety blanket was forever gone and that I would have to face my problems head on. This seems like a daunting task, but one that needs to be done. Later that night I was able to start working on the cause of my stress and I felt good that I was now resolving my problems instead of ignoring them. The hardest part for me about being sober is being unable to check out of reality when the stress is overwhelming.