skyleh

that my AH can stay relativly sober for the OW...but could not stay sober to go get new matresses for his daughters or go to the pool with the family for a couple of hours.

How can they "control" it sometimes..when their "stability" is at risk but not for whats really important? I know he is searching for a new caretaker...but it just amazes me how much control he has now...compared to when we were a family..or trying to be a family.

I can tell when he has been with OW...he stays out all night..but comes home within his tolerance level...but could not do that at home..or when he was out before I told him that I was leaving him. I don't get it..it just causes me to think again..that the problem is MORE mine than his or that I cause it...but I KNOW deep down inside...but times like this..its hard to fight that feeling.

Since we are still living in the same house..he called last night to say he was staying at his buddys house..to drunk to drive...maybe..but he was whispering..and he was more drunk 3 nights ago..when I know he was there and he drove home...so when he got home this morning..he tried to play the "hangover" roll..but I did not buy it..I have seen him hurting..he was faking..tonight he is on his way to his "buddy's house" again...all dressed up..Does he really think I am an IDIOT!!

I am no longer looking for the PROOF of what I know..I haven't been wrong yet..so I am just trusting my own instincts...He still asks me.."are you sure you want to leave" YES...

thanks for listening