Why was it "not an option" when it came to my babies' safety, but I can't seem to get to that point for my own sake?
Mom's are wired like that. Darwin and stuff.
I couldn't wait to drink after 9 months of abstinence
really liking alcohol, for me, was a big part of my problem. That's the part of me that wants to put on a comfortable buzz (something, supposedly, non-alcoholics by definition do not seek to do; whatever) while forgetting what will, eventually, happen if I go down that path with one drink, one night. Eventually I will come to regret it, guarrenteed.
If my mindset was along the lines of, as soon as goal X is accomplished, than I can have a drink, I would be looking forward to it a great deal. My hope is that with a mindset of humility that recognizes the drinking me is an overgrown ******, and with a determination that drinking is no longer an option, I will come up with other things to look forward to in life. Things like ice cream, and laughter, good movies with friends, that kind of stuff.
The only way I can be sure that I don't get trashed--an unacceptable state of affairs for a responcible adult--is to not drink at all. To the degree I am unable to relax or reward myself without that drink, to that degree my problem with alcohol is all the more real, and the harder I will have to work on my recovery.