I'm New Here - An Adult Child of an Alcoholic
Hello. Thank you to everyone who is here and dedicated to others who struggle with addiction or family with addiction.
My mother was an alcoholic from the time I was a little kid and she died young as a result. She did have a few good, sober years, though, and I was lucky enough to know her before the end and realize that she was not her addiction. It is a perspective I use daily now.
My current situation is that I help my husband take care of his mother. She is 74 and an alcoholic who is in complete denial. She also has moderate dementia, which could be a result of alcohol use, as well as congestive heart failure and some other health issues. We uprooted our entire life 2 years ago when she her first serious health crisis due to her alcohol use and we have dedicated ourselves to looking after her ever since. For a year we lived in her home with her, but when she was feeling a little better, she wanted her privacy and space back, and our presence was not preventing her from drinking. So we moved into the house next door to her and now we check on her at least twice a day and we prepare heart-healthy food for her.
Every day we struggle with what the right things to do are. If we talk to her about how alcohol use is hurting her health, she just gets furious, denies that she has a problem, and tells us to get out of her life. But if we just pretend like everything is OK, we feel that we are being irresponsible. We do take her to the doctor and make sure her health-care professionals understand that she is a heavy drinker on a daily basis even though she claims that it is not true. Her dementia is mild enough that most people do not realize that she is impared.
I read a lot of the posts and blogs from people like the ones I see in this community, and it gives me a lot of comfort and strength. I believe that reinforcing the basic truths of these situations is very important.
I guess my biggest questions come down to things like "How can we make her stop drinking?" and "How can we keep her safe?" but I know these questions can't really be answered by anyone.
Thanks for listening.