lizatola

So, AH got home in the middle of the night last night from his jail stay. He said he's done and doesn't have to go back. Guess they let him out on good behavior or something. Anyway, he seems humble and quiet today, mostly just going about a normal day here.

Then, our son starts talking about the FL trip and that peaks AH's curiosity. He's asking about how much it will cost, etc but not in a mean way, he just seemed curious. Then, he says, "I could use my free airfare ticket and come out for a week and visit. Just gotta find someone to watch the dog." Ummm, great. Now what? I am hoping that he drops the idea because I wasn't about to say, in front of our son, that gee I really don't want you to come because I'm not feeling much of anything for you and I need some space.

A few minutes later he approaches me in my office and asks me if I need him to pay any bills while I'm gone. Again, this is just weird. He knows most of our stuff is set up on automatic payment plans and that I take the bills with me when I need to pay them. He was only gone for 48 hours and it's like he's trying to insert himself into the family unit again. Like everything should be back to normal now that he's out of jail. I'm trying to just be pleasant, trying to let go of any edge I have to my voice or countenance, and I'm just biting my tongue.

So, now I'm confused. I'm guessing he's in the remorse stage after having been in jail for a few days and he's trying to prove that he's useful around here or something. Maybe he's threatened by the fact that I did a bunch of manly jobs around the house this weekend and that I take care of just about everything around here and that we didn't wither away and die while he was gone? Who knows, but I find it all confusing. One day he's quacking about how he doesn't care about our son's emotions and defending his driving on a suspended license and then the next week he's Mr Nice Humble Guy. Which freakin' one is it? GAH!

I wrote him a letter this weekend basically telling him I am not happy living with his inconsistencies, his continued alcohol use and disregard for his driving restrictions, and that I need the FL trip to get a break. I told him I know about his alcohol abuse and that I feel that we are raising our son in an unhealthy environment. Now, I have to check my motives, of course, and I will be sharing this letter with my therapist tomorrow. I never try to control him in the letter. There is no begging for him to get help, no telling him to go to AA, nothing like that. It's all about how I feel and how I need a break from living with his jekyl and hyde behavior. Now, I'm just wondering if and when I give it to him?