I blew it. As soon as I realized my kids weren't going to be home for the night and I'd be alone, that was it. Got a bottle of wine, tried to start late, drink it slow, not drink the whole thing- none of it worked.
I let myself down and anyone who reads my posts and gives me such great advice and support. But in the end it comes down to me. And, as predicted, the yucky feelings are still there, but I liked them much better when I was sober and feeling good about myself rather than how I feel now.
Once again, lesson learned. It is so NOT worth it, in any way, shape or form. At least I was alone, and my children weren't around to know or see.