Struggling with sobriety. Seem to fall off the wagon once a month.
Hello everyone, new to the board. Just wanted to come here and say hello.
I currently am struggling with sobriety. My drug of choice is cocaine. I seem to fall off the wagon once a month on average. I have slowed down a lot with this drug since I used to do it every weekend, but now have gotten to the point where I stay away from it for weeks at a time, but then every 4th week I seem to get in the mood to go out and "party."
I fell off the wagon recently and I am feeling so guilty.
Another thing that happens to me when I am under the influence of this narcotic is that my sex drive increases to the point where I feel that I have to pleasure myself. This past weekend I did just that, telling a friend of mine that I was going to take a leak, and 15 minutes later he came to check on me and since the door did not have a lock on it, he walked in on me in the middle of my act. I was so emberassed.
Why does this drug do this to me? Why does it cause me to do these things I am ashamed of? I hope you respect my honesty with you guys and hopefully someone on here will be able to relate or know to what I am going through. Take care.