When the alcoholic says "You should have" and "I wish you were", he is setting you up to shame you so you won't make any changes and he won't have to deal with the real reason the family is disintegrating: his alcoholism.
He's not done yet. You are doing the right thing. Keep doing the right thing. Doing the wrong thing--enabling him--is a hopeless choice. What you are doing now, at least there is the possibility of meaningful eventual change.