Welcome to SR!
Dee made a very good point. One of the things I've valued most about the last year of my life is that without alcohol there is nothing (or at least very little) that I need to be ashamed of. I'm slowly losing those "I'm not worth it" feelings. With alcohol I was functioning...but that was the extent of it...since quitting I've taken on and done things I'd only dreamed of doing in the past. I'm a different person now - someone who can look anyone in the eye and stride confidently wherever I go.
AA wasn't an immediate fit for me either - I've used AVRT and have done well with it.
Good luck with everything. You can do this.